alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
