everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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