Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
