I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize