Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
