I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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