just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
