I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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