She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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