He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
