I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize