I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
