She announced her abortion via fbk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
