We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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