sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
