Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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