My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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