So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
