Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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