Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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