Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
