Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize