ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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