hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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