i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
