I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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