you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
