I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Randomize
