I wish you could order shots online.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
