I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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