i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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