My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
