absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
