Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
