i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
