is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
