i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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