I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
