I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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