bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
