this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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