I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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