You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
