We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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