I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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