When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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