Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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