Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
