I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Randomize
