I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
