this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
