Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
