ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
