He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
