Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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