"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize