Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize