was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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