If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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