I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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