there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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