I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
