i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize